It’s not you, it’s me

I’m lonely.

I have a wonderful fiancé, I really do. But sometimes you want your own friends, your own outlet. And I’m just lonely. I have a good job finally, I’m about to get promoted. Promotion includes a raise, a title change and my own office that I can decorate however I want. I have the opportunity to grow and learn. But my social life, is non existent. I have to depend on C if I want to go anywhere or do anything. I have no one to hang out with really. This is just new for me. Back in the metro plex I had many friends, a lot of aquaintences BUT I had friends.  I had someone to call to vent to, or someone to call to drink and forget it all with. I had someone always any time and any day to do something with other than sit in the house by myself. So…I’m just lonely. It’s a crappy feeling.

As I mentioned before C is seeing a therapist. We have made plans for me to go with her to a session, and possibly go myself too. I want to figure out what the bridge is between us. I want to figure out what’s wrong with me. Is it me that people are running from? Am I too abrasive, annoying, too anxious? What is it that is unattractive to people.

I just need my social life and love life to be in the same spot as my work life.

I also go with my mom to her biopsy March 14th. She has a large lump in her breast and we have lots of cancer in our family history. I really hope that this is not that.

I am at a loss for words today so I will leave this here.

Until next time.

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